I know it's been awhile since I actually sat down and wrote about my real life on my blog. To be honest, not much is interesting! Despite everything online, I'm still human! My daily routine consists of going to school, meeting with friends, coming home, doing homework, eating dinner, sleep. repeat. That's basically it. It doesn't get a whole lot better than that..... Usually.
But, this time it's a tad bit different.
Middle School is when a lot of girls and guys start dating. And I'm pretty sure a lot of you guys can put the puzzle together but, this Sunday is D-Day. That's right Valentine's Day.
Kids finally work up the courage to ask out their crush, your best friends surprise you with cute treats, and cute couples roam the hallways looking lovey dovey. It's an awesome ambience to be in.
It's my third and final year of MS. And I felt like something special was suppose to happen. I mean the same V-Day routine went on for the past two years and as much as I appreciate the gifts my friends send- I wanted to do something new.
When I started my day, I didn't know what was going to happen. I mean, I had no idea what to expect. Okay, well I knew I was going to suck at gym and totally fail at playing basketball with my peers- But, other then that!
I received a batch of fresh baked goods from my kpop friend Erin at band, and she put a bunch of kpop memes on the front of the box. ex: "You S.Coup me up." XD
And at lunch we were selling friendship bracelets for student council. ( I know, very cheesy and sooo 5th grade- but it wasn't our choice! Our neighboring MS sold flowers -_-) Anyways, I bought like 10 to give to my closest friends and had leftovers just in case.
After lunch, I always go to the library instead of the gym for recess. The library is kind of like my safe haven. All the quiet, yet surprisingly fun and studious kids go there. And you can just chit chat and knock out a decent amount of homework or read if you wanted to. And the library is also where I see him most of the time.
He's quiet and appears to be cold, but with his friends he jokes around and smiles a lot. We met in 7th grade and we never really talked. This year he sat across from me in science for a little while. He teased me (didn't say mean things don't worry!) but, he smiled as he did it. So, that means he's at least comfortable with me.
I liked him on and off- but, not TOO MUCH. Does that make sense?
We don't talk often anymore and I don't have that "He's so gorgeous, I want him to love me" kind of feeling. But, my heart does skip a beat when I see him. :) I've been meaning to ask him out for awhile since, I wouldn't feel too disappointed if he said no. But, if he said yes I'd be overjoyed to have him as a first "boyfriend."
Yup, that's right I've never had a boyfriend. And, I think I know the reason. Although, a few of my close friends had boyfriends I didn't have one. It just wasn't time. I felt like I needed guy in my life in order to be happy with my life. In 7th grade, I had minor depression and I felt like if I had a boyfriend all my insecurities to go away. Now, I realize that's just stupid.
I've been slowly finding myself, and I honestly feel happy right now.
I had my first crush in preschool- Yup the bright age of four. And I liked the boy because, I felt happy whenever I was with him and genuinely wanted to be happy with him as great friends.
All my middle school life, I wanted a boyfriend for the wrong reasons.
I want to go back to four year old Naeun who liked people for the right reasons.
Now, I accept and like myself- so, now I can truly like someone else.
Okay, enough of my sobfest. I'll get back to the actual story.
So, in the library I hear he and his friends talking about giving their friendship bracelets to someone's girlfriend. I'm pretty sure they were joking but, it sparked my interest.
In language arts class, one of his and kind of my friend decided to do a love story contest while we had a fun Valentine's Day party. Friends brought in cookies, cupcakes and we wrote love stories in spirit of Valentine's Day. As we ate our teacher read the winning story. My/ his friend won. He wasn't there due to something idk but, his story kind of inspired me.
I decided I was going to confess. It was the last period of the day and I told my friend "Risa" I liked him.
I had never confessed before to any of my many, many crushes. I felt butterflies in my stomach, and I was excited too.
Remember that I bought like 10 friendship bracelets? I had one left, that matched with mine.
I knew he comes down the stairs exactly when I walk by. I was going to go give it to him. But then, he didn't come by. Worst case scenario.
I gave up and went back to band room. There I met one of his and my very good friend. We walked with each other. And I told her I liked him. She was at the table with him at the library- she must know if he has a gf!
I told her that I planned matching bracelets and I asked her the next time she saw him to give him the bracelet. I didn't know when to ask him out- so I trusted her.
She then asked, "Do you want me to tell him you like him?"
I casually said sure and walked to the bus. I got home and I'm currently writing this blog for you guys. I don't know what he's going to say. I'm hopeful he'll say yes but, I feel like he'll say no.
I'll tell you guys the outcome.
Below, I attached this cool article I got from Seventeen Magazine's August 2015 issue. Enjoy! ;)
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